About our credit line

I'm still in a very negative mood from yesterday's news, but Serge advised me to take it easy and maybe open some kind of center of excellence in Nassau to cater the needs of the filthy rich but not famous. Anyhow, today I'd like to share with you our latest press release.

Everywhere you go, you hear business people claim some time-related wisdom, like "time is of the essence" or "whatever happened to the New York minute". Me, I don't give a shiitake about time because this dimension of the universe is on my side. I am sitting on a money printing machine where I don't invest in R&D and my clients are loaded. My enployees have been neutered and comply with the highest obedience standards (ISO something, I can't recall). So what's the rush?

I've been pushed by my board to put out a BS press release because they feel it's mandatory to have the company in the newspapers at least twice every quarter. Sure, I said, I don't have anything smart to say but let's brag about our cash reserve and credit lines, that's will wet the pants of every junior financial analyst out there.

Obviously this drivel might be interpreted as a subtle tactic to lure other IT consulting firms to call me and beg to be bought and integrated into the CGI universe. Money quote: If I find the right company with the right criteria, it could double me in the U.S. and triple me in a sector.

What I don't say is that it's been 6 years since we've done a major acquisition and we can't find any company with the "right criteria". They're too freaking expensive, I want to buy a Bentley for the price of a Ford Focus. Some companies are affordable, but its founders would like to have a direct influence if we were to buy them. My message to them is this: dudes, unless you guys are ex-Bell executives and can prove to me your obedience, there's no way you can fit at CGI. The last thing I need is new VPs who want to run the show.

Managing a CGI business unit here is like running a Subway franchise: we tell you what to put on the walls, we tell you what the menu and the price will be, and we tell you when to smile during the process and how to hand out change to the customer. If you're looking for work where "initiative" is rewarded, maybe you should send your resume to the NHL.

The real subtext is that the company is for sale, we'll never say it though, so this is why we're bragging about how big our bank account is. I will always deny it, but it's the truth. Think about it. When you're selling you car, what do you do? You wash the exterior, you clean it, you remove any trace of weed from the ashtray, you*ll even put some gel on tires to make the clunker look like a real gem. It's the same with selling a company, we implement military-type management, we deploy hundreds of standardized processes, we force PeopleSoft down

the throat of all our business units, we keep salaries extra low, everything so that company looks like a real sparking gem. So when the buyer shows up, he expects to pay a premium to get us.

More later, dear members, Q2 is coming up and there's work to do.