Just so you know

Instead of forking 3 grand to upgrade your home movie theatre, why don't you long the stock that all smart people on Bay street recommend to their client? I mean, it's your choice, but if I were you...

Like, dude?

Can't help myself, those ads hit a nerve and make me angry.

First of all, this youth in the ad looks like he had his hair done in a car wash. Second, the cheap suit, definitely not from Harry Rosen where real men go. If this guy was loaded as the ad claims, he would not look like a guy on parole who's trying to sell you something fishy. Plus, the outside glow would be appropriate for an adult DVD, not that I've rented anything in that department, but I've been told.

In any case, going past his questionable appearance, I loathe the "get rich quick" scheme. If Bobby here was serious about money, he would ditch his supposedly attractive penny stocks before the market closes today. I mean, if a company's public shares are worth $0.04, maybe that's a subtle hint that the headquarter is located in a trailer park (best case scenario) and not much assets can be found in the books.

In which case, unless the CEO of this public company has a breakthrough idea after he sobers up, buying this "penny stock" is an unwise investment and it would be more efficient to burn your money because you'd not pay brokerage fees.

GIB.TO made me rich. Get it?

Going banana

Hardly a day goes by without me doing a sales pitch for CGI. My thinking is, a CEO doesn't participate in the sales effort, who will?

Like last Thursday, my staff was behaving and I found no error in any of the spreadsheets that were submitted for approval. It was - theoretically - a perfect day. Until I went downstairs to grab a muffin at around 4:32 to sustain my mental energy under dinner, when I learned that the store was out of the banana variety.

Sure, they had blueberry, bran & raisin, oatmeal galore, even that inedible double chocolate, but my mood and historical data pertaining to my personal consumptions of muffins indicated that a banana muffin was my personal optimal choice at that very moment.

But they had none. No banana muffin.

I questioned the store clerk about what market events had triggered such banana muffin shortage, if senior managers at the store had been briefed on the incident as it will surely impact their next quarterly earnings in a small yet significant way, if there was a glitch in the supply chain and in such case could this be optimized by calling a SAP expert.

Do you know what the simple-minded store clerk said to me?

"Well, it's just we ran out of banana muffin, come back tomorrow"

This careless behaviour was unacceptable to me as a customer, and I'm positively sure the store owner would be terrified to learn he had lost a sale due to bad strategic planning. How come there was still five, STILL FIVE double-chocolate muffins and no trace of banana muffin? Who runs this ship? Did anyone learn a lesson from the downfall of Zellers in Canada?

Clearly, the daily production of said muffins was improvised. No, it was botched. Even lobotomized monkeys under the influence of illegal substance would do a better job.

I dully informed the clerk of the situation and how CGI could help their company improve dramatically their core business processes. Had he heard about our centre of excellence in Troy, Alabama ?

CGI could even put the muffins in the cloud, therefore any sales clerk would be able to check the banana supply from a mobile device anywhere in the world, understand the trend in customer taste in real time and dispatch production orders to ensure timely delivery of warm, fresh banana muffins. Such understanding of the marketplace would push the muffin store on a straight path to profitable growth and…

At that point I realized the clerk was looking at me in way that did not indicate a complete and thorough understanding of the free analysis I was delivering. Plus, 5 people were waiting in line, right behind me.

It's lonely at the top, but everyday I realize that there are many bozos in base camps...