Yes, Robert Pattison did show up at my office Monday morning, and what a surprise it was. For one thing, he looked pretty sharp. Serge was impressed as well, he spent a few minutes to teach Robert about CGI's history, why we have a dream and what are our core values. Young Pattison was delighted to work for such an organization and he thought the corporate office was a cool place to work.
I go, well you won't be working here Robert, I mean we've assigned you to a project starting this morning, Serge and I will drive you to the client's location. It's a government client, so don't expect fancy office or anything. I could feel Robert was a bit disappointed, but he understood that consultants need to bill in order to breathe.
So the three of us drove to the non-descript building where Robert was assigned as a project manager for CGI. I told Robert on the way there that this project was going okay but there was a significant disagreement on the scope of work between CGI and the client. We had burned 4 PMs with no results. The director there is slightly psychotic, his goal was to hire another firm but CGI won the bid thanks to aggressive pricing, so the director's doing everything he can to undermine our work. But besides those details it's a great project.
So we got to the client's building, gave Robert an access card and showed him the cubicle where he would spend the next several months or so. It was all beige, standard government furniture, and there was an old and dirty beige PC with a keyboard that would keep microbiologists busy for 10 years.
Robert goes, Jee I feel like Peter Gibbons in this office.
I go, who the heck is this Gibbons guy, is he some kind of a star among office workers?
Robert smiles, he sure is Mike, Gibbons is the man.
I looked at Serge who read my thoughts, and he answered "I'm on it".
So we left Robert there, assuming someone would spot him during the day and give him work or something. After all, he was a PM, and the PM's role is to walk around and try to find what's going on. Getting his network ID would probably take a week, so Robert will probably rot for a few days, this will give him enough time to learn where the coffee machine is, where are the cleanest mens room, and so on.
Serge and I went then back to the HQ, where we brainstormed how we could leverage the presence of Robert Pattison at CGI. Definitely some kind of printed campaign aimed at Gen Y, like Robert chose CGI and he's now living our dream, why shouldn't you? Or IT never looked more cool, we want YOU for the CGI workforce.
The story doesn't end here.
At 5pm, Robert came back to the CGI HQ and knocked on my door. I go, Robert what a pleasant surprise to see you here, how was your day?
Robert was all smile, like he had won the lottery. He goes, Mike Roach, only you man could have helped me, I need to send you some friends from the movie industry. Really.
I go, Robert well the pleasure is all mine, I'm glad CGI could give you a spot where you can blossom as an IT worker and manage to be billable.
Robert goes, no dude you don't understand, I'm giving you my resignation today. It worked!
I was livid. What the hell do you mean Robert, we just hired you, what's going on?
Robert goes, you showed me how happy I was as an actor and I didn't know it. Playing a vampire may be corny, but it sure beats working all-year long in a government office. When I'm on the set, I'm surrounded by passionate people who work their ass off in order to make a great movie. There's a sense of pride. Today, I was surrounded by depressed office workers who don't give a shit about what happens, all the talk around the water cooler is either about retirement, unions talk or pointless gossip. I mean, dude, one day in this harsh environment is enough for me. Do you really think a human being can accomplish work - any work - in a 8x8 cubicle? I mean, it's like a chicken farm here, people come into their cage, don't move during the day and go home at night. Is that it?
Robert said he would send me some of his friends who think they are depressed, once they see what goes on in the IT world they will fly back to L.A. and enjoy the gruelling actor work like never before. He waved me goodbye and headed for the elevators. Dozens of girls of all age asked for his autograph before he left the building.
Now I am depressed.
No comments:
Post a Comment