CGI and CGI

The downside of leading an organization with a 3-letter name is that confusion may easily arise unless you're the CIA or the FBI.

CGI is no exception. I can't say we answer the phone everyday to people expecting us to the Catholic Guides of Ireland, the Church of God International or the Coast Guard Institute. That happens, but it's rare. When such mistakes occur, I ask my secretary to transfer the call to my office and I let myself loose on a telephone prank.

But if there is one confusion that irritates me, it is the Clinton Global Initiative. Ever since Bill started this thing in 2005, medias have gone crazy. As a result, you will find plenty of news bits about CGI - not my CGI - but Bill's CGI. Such as this one, stating that CGI is "a carefully selected group of the world’s best minds and most distinguished problem-solvers".

Problem is, customers now expects CGI - my CGI - to solve their problems with a carefully selected group of consultants. Like I started before, top-shelf consultants are unavailable until 2031 but I have a few rookies on the bench that I'd be happy to lease you for $550 a day. Will they solve your problems? I can't say. Will they create more problems? Look, your shoes are untied.

So I thought I'd give Mr. Clinton a call and try to solve this naming issue.

I introduced myself to Bill and depicted CGI - my CGI - as a world-class organization looking to expand and deepen our business relationships with both new and existing clients on a global basis.

Bill goes, what? Who are you? What the fuck are you talking about?

I go, we're CGI Group, do you know our company?

Bill goes, yeah I've seen Toy Story 3 this summer, great flick by the way, I don't know how you guys did it but it was awesome. I liked the little green monsters.

I go, no we're not doing CGI, I mean computer graphics, we're an IT company in Canada, and CGI is a registered trademark.

Bill goes, you're an IT company, I see. Let me ask you a question while I have you on the phone. I want to buy a laptop for Chelsea and I've seen the iPad, it's really beautiful, should I buy her a Dell notebook or an iPad?

I go, Mr. Clinton with all due respect I called you because we have an important naming issue. The Clinton Global Initiative is getting confused with the activities of our publicly-traded company known for the strength of its cash generation ability combined with the significant and consistent growth in earnings per share.

Clinton goes, what? Look buddy I don't know to sound rude but can you get to the point? I think I'll go with the iPad for Chelsea.

I go, here the situation Mr. Clinton, our company is on the spotlight, Obama talked about our company recently, and we just acquired Stanley and we're up to 31 000 employees. We can't change our company name. But if you would agree to change yours to something like the Clinton Big Initiative, or Clinton Humongous Initiative, or even Bill's Big Thing, it would solve this 3-letter problem, don't you see?

Bill was quiet for a while, in fact a long while. The kind of silence that makes anyone uncomfortable.

I go, Mr. President, are you still with me?

Bill goes, yeah sorry I'm trying to place an order for an iPad on the Web, and this Verified by Visa thing is asking me for a fucking password. I'll have someone pick an iPad at the Apple Store. Anyway, sorry about that. So hell no we won't change the name of our organization, maybe you should change yours you know, at least our name means something. What does your CGI mean anyway?

I go, pardon my French, but …

Bill cut the conversation short and goes, don't get obscene with me pal, look I gotta go if you want me to speak at your shareholders meeting it's $200K a pop okay, nice talking with you, bye now.

And that was the end of it. Serge asked me later that day how the conversion with Clinton went, and I assured him that we had the most polite and meaningful exchange but the CGI confusion is there to stay. Sigh.