Dear FakeMike, I'm back on the job after a 3-week vacation and I'm feeling awfully depressed here in my non-descript cubicle using my underpowered PC. My whole job is so pointless. The client hates us yet he gives the firm a 2-year contract to do what his own employees are unable to do. Can you cheer me up? Christian from Montreal.
Dear Phil, look at it this way. You could be crushed on your way home by a concrete block on a tunnel because the government has ignored for the past 30 years that infrastructures require maintenance. Best case, you die instantly in your rusty Corolla. Worst case, you live but are permanently disabled and you spend the rest of your life watching reality shows and infomercials while chewing your pain medication.
It can always be worse.
You had a 3-week vacation? Who authorized this? I'm spending my summer at the office plotting our path to profitable growth until 2050 and you fucking complain to me that you are feeling kinda blue after 21 days of non-billable time? Maybe I should hit your fat butt with my latest Callaway club, that would wake you up.
I'm sorry, short temper here, I'm breathing slowly now. I loosen my grip around your virtual neck because I am a nice guy. Well that's what my therapist told me to do, he must be right, eh?
I know how you must be feeling, you checked in this morning and felt like you didn't belong in this world because your IT job is so meaningless you have a hard time explaining to your non-IT relatives what you do for a living. You check your e-mails every few minutes hoping something exciting comes along, but all you get is reminders that your time sheets has not been submitted yet.
You then check your watch, hoping that lunch time will be more interesting that the crap that awaits you in your inbox.
You daydream about your next week-end.
You pick up your iPhone and shop for a vintage motorcycle because unlike your PC it's not blocked by BlueCoat. You can't afford anything but shopping for toys is less boring that what the client expects you to perform. Or you surf IMDB for trivial information about obscure TV shows that you enjoyed in the 80's.
You call a few friends and gossip about things, you partially feel alive when you talk to some real people, not the drones working next to you.
Then lunchtime comes and you have produce nothing yet the time was billable. You meet some other unproductive friends at White Castle and you wolf down a couple of sliders and complain to each other about how bored to death you are.
You then spend your afternoon faking work, going 5 times to the men's room to play Angry Birds and using your iPhone extensively even though you topped your bandwidth for the month. And yes, all your apps are up-to-date, that didn't change from earlier today.
If this is an accurate portrait of your typical day, then rest assured dear member this is very typical of all IT workers.
I hope I cheered you up. Now get back to work and do what you're told.
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