One more reason to long GIB.TO

I always advise CGI members to stay on proven ground and to stay away from exotic temptations, whether it is exciting new technologies, unbelievable job offer and even trendy and hip clothes.

Here's one more thing to add to your internal check list: personal investments.

Some people are just plain weird, they work their ass off to rake a few dollars and if they resist the socially-acceptable urge to blow their disposable income on electronic gadgets, they throw themselves into the arms of the closest Investors Group representative. The conversation usually goes like this:

Dumb customer: I want to make money, I don't know jack about investments nor do I have any interests in learning, therefore I want to trust you since you have a nice suit or your office is way better than mine.

Smart representative: I'm happy to welcome you as a new gullible client as it will increase my personal bonus even I make you loose money, in which case I'll blame the markets and/or Bernanke. How many of your friends and relatives are as clueless as you? Are they on Facebook as well?

Dumb customer: Well, I want to make money. I listened to one guy on the radio saying ETFs are a good strategy. What's an ETF? Hold your answer, I won't be able to understand the lingo anyway, here's a fat check.

Smart representative: What a happy coincidence, our company has just released a truckload of synthetic ETFs, from the same smart people who designed fabulous CDOs in 2007. May I interest you with our latest leveraged ETF? It is actively managed, meaning the guy in charge spends an awful lot of time playing golf to hear rumors. I could forward you the link but since you're low-watt bulb in IT I'm afraid the PDFs thick with obscure wording and acronyms might make you feel awfully inferior and humiliated. Let me take your check.

Dumb customer: Thanks, I already feel better.

Smart representative: So am I.

If you have at least half the mental capability of a lobotomized donkey, you should open a trading account and buy decent stocks for the long run, like GIB. It won't make you a millionaire, it will never pay a sinful dividend, but it will keep you safe from the non-sense out there.

CGI trades slightly below $20, down from its peak at $24.30, you should act now if I were you. P/E around 11, how many deals like this can you find today?

Plus, owning more GIB will make you a better member, so happiness is a by-product.

That sinking feeling

So summer is great, eh? You had 2 or 3 weeks of vacation and then you're coming in the office this morning, pretty much against your will as you'd have preferred to stay on that sandy beach, or just sitting in your porch drinking Coors and listening to crickets. You entered the building and went straight to your tiny cubicle, and then a sudden sinking feeling hit you like a semi on the New Jersey turnpike.

"What the fuck am I doing here?" you said to yourself.

You sat in your chair, wondering if all those years spent in school, all this time studying late at night in college, all of this was worth it when the end result is so meaningless. You are just another cubicle worker and your work is null in the grand scheme of things. The workplace is so grey (or beige) it sucks the life out of you the minute you step in.

And job-wise it's not like you're creating the next cool gizmo or the next great Web site. Your job to write pointless documents that will be shelve in a week, configure some obscure software that you're unable to explain its use to your lucky non-IT friends or write code for a very dull application.

You then remembered your high school teacher who said - you are special, one day you will accomplish great things. You did not. You ended up at the bottom of a large corporate pyramid like most of your friends. And a vast majority on them are now on medication to address chemical imbalance in their brain. Maybe after all you should talk to your doctor.

"What the fuck did I do wrong" you wondered.

You then checked your e-mails, wondering if your boss or some VP sent you an invitation for a special project, but alas - just reminders to fill your time sheet. Everyone ignored you. Except Peoplesoft automated scripts.

You examined the people who work at the client site. Low-watt bulbs who got a government job just for the benefits, they come in to work everyday knowing nothing will get done, but they don't care. Nobody cares. People just go coast through life with minimal awareness. It comes to your attention that people serving a life sentence in jail must have more fun than government workers and consultants. At least they can watch TV during daytime.

"Is this all there is?" you asked yourself.

You then faked work until 5pm, surfed to fight boredom. You went home to hind that your husband / wife / insignificant other has overcooked the meatloaf. Your gloomy face invited snarky comments such as "you're lucky, you have a job" or "of course work is dull, my job is tedious too, who has a funny job?". Your feelings then sank even lower while attacking the burnt thing that was in your plate.

It's a this very point you must realize that all this awareness is BAD for you. You feel depressed because your unfulfilled dreams take centre stage and steal your focus. You should not worry about past decisions, you can't change the past.

Your happiness should be geared toward this simple algorithm:

1. Is the client happy? Even if the shit you're doing is totally meaningless, is the client happy of what you do or pretend to do?

2. Is the firm happy? In other words, is your presence in this cubicle profitable to CGI?

If the answer to both question is yes, then you should be happy as well. Depressed people are the ones whose definition of happiness is way too complex. Keep your own definition very simple - like the one I strongly recommended - and you'll see that life is much more easy to go through. Your personal satisfaction must be tightly exist with earnings your provide to the firm.

Have a great day. A really great day. Now get back to work.

Failure of character

Someone sent me this picture last night, knowing how much I despise politicians who live by unprofitable growth. Poor Raymond, look at him on the right, he’s probably daydreaming about his upcoming week-end on the ski slopes. Or he’s wondering if he should have listen to his father 40 years ago and become a proctologist. Or maybe he’s just depressed, which is odd because he’s the Quebec minister of Happiness. But working for Curly (on the left) is surely taking a toll, when the captain is stirring the ship into the abyss it’s time to consider where the nearest lifeboat is.

The numbers are out. Quebec’s deficit has jumped $9.3B for 2008-2009, a whopping 4.4% increase from the previous fiscal year, totalling $218.6B. And that number doesn’t take into account some other government debt of $25B.

As if the picture wasn’t gloomy enough, public debt has been constantly increasing for the past 10 years even if the economy has been through exceptional phases during that period. Accounting gimmicks gave the impression that the budget was break even, but it was far from the truth. When you switch the amortization period of assets from 25 to 40 years, sure you’ll pay less each month but the global picture is actually worse.

Now you’re thinking, Raymond will look like a total ass 4 weeks from now when he will propose a budget for the coming fiscal year. No, he will be all smile because he’s the minister of Happiness, remember? Those who will look like clowns will be the paxpayers, because you and me will have to pay (again) for this hell of a mess. Brace yourself for impact, dear members from la belle province.

If the province of Quebec was a publicly traded company like CGI, what would happen? Shareholders would file a lawsuit against the board for total destruction of assets. And they’d probably rampage the headquarter looking for incriminating documents. Raymond and his boss are no different than those who managed WorldCom and Enron. The only difference is, their chose to work in public service, but their actions (or lack thereof) are the same. Failure of character.

Maybe I should give up CGI and run for office, bringing profitable growth (and therefore real happiness) to all citizens. I don’t know if Serge would let me.

Met with the minister of happiness

Bumped with Raymond Bachand this week-end on my way to the gym, we train at the same facility in Outremont. I’m never at ease when talking with politicians, those guys are a strange mix of pickpockets and televangelists. They talk to you like you’ve been best friends for 25 years, even though you only met them once or twice. And they always have an agenda, even in the locker room.

I’m of course an easy magnet for whores who want to be best buddy with anyone who make more than they do. Don’t get me wrong, Raymond is probably a fantastic guy on a personal level. But as soon as he gets into his politician mindset he starts acting as a fucking clown. They all do.

So Raymond greets me at the gym and congratulates me on our fantastic Q1 results. I go, same to you Ray, I wish you remain Quebec minister of finance for another year. But you know what Ray, I don’t know how to bring this to you, but you’ve been acting funny lately, is everything okay? Are you still taking your medication?

Ray looks puzzled, asks me what he did wrong. I go, Raymond, I was watching the news a few weeks ago and you came out with a statement that went along the line of: What's really important is not to balance a budget. What's really important is for people to be happy.

Ray looks relieved, he goes yes that statement. You know what, Mike? This is absolutely true, I firmed believe that happiness should be the number one priority of our government.

I go, Ray, listen to you for one second, are you out of your freaking mind? May I remind you that your title says you're in charge of FINANCE, you're not a motivation speaker, and you’re not a Prozac spokesman either. Your job description is to balance budgets and God hear me, to make a profit.

Raymond goes, deficits are okay Mike, the taxpayer has deep pockets and we can go on like this for another 50 years before civilization collapses, and by then you and I will be dead, so it doesn’t really matter. Our children will take care of the mess. I mean, what’s the option, cut expenses by 25% and take the risk of not being reelected in 3 years? Anyway, you know what Mike, there's one thing I'd like to do after taxpayers kick me out of office. He looks at me very seriously and says, Mike I'd like to sit on the CGI board of directors.

I go, Ray our board is more than full right now, but you know what, send me your resume and I'll keep it on file. Like, the circular file. If there's an opening in the future I'll let you know.

Then Ray went out to train on the treadmill with his don’t-care-if-the-world-goes-down smile.

Let's imagine for one moment that Raymond works at CGI and let's push the envelope even further and let's picture Ray is the CFO. Let's say CGI has a bad quarter and Ray meets the financial reporters who are eager to understand why we left the profitable growth path. This dickhead would put on a big smile and would probably say, well revenues are down, the company is bleeding red ink but you know what folks, our surveys say our members are happy. Yes, they are. And that's what important, ladies and gentlemen, deficits are totally okay as long as you're happy as a clam.

Then CGI would be traded as a penny stock, everyone would lose, but Ray would be all smile.

I will call Curly this week, someone has to stop the train wreck before it's too late.

Work makes one free

This is French only but I wanted to post this because I think it's totally awesome. Our members at Quebec City did the following video to boost how happy they are to work at CGI. Pregnant woman? Check. Use of minorities? Check. Smiling faces like they just got laid? Check. How can you be so joyful when you toil all day in a government cubicle? This is joie de vivre. These guys deserve a medal. Nah, just a big round of applause - it costs nothing.