Yet another therapy session

I was back for a session with my therapist this Sunday. Again, we focused on my supposedly negative attitude toward middle managers, as Paul seems to think there’s something lurking in my subconscious and it’s not a cigar.

Paul, I said, despite what you may be thinking I have very positive attitude toward my middle managers. We care about them because we have forms and processes in place where they play a crucial role, isn’t what love is about? Let me emphasize my point by giving you a very down-to-earth example.

We have this “CGI 101” thing, it’s a 3-day brainwashing mandatory session for all our directors. Imagine that, they don’t bill their clients for 3 CONSECUTIVE DAYS and they get no punishment for that, to me that’s unheard of. So we pack them in a hotel room and paint an exquisite image of CGI, our values, our dream, what role they serve in the grand scheme of things. They watch about 750 PowerPoint slides in 3 days and we use 10 points fonts to make sure we cram everything important. Profitable growth is mentioned every 3 slides to make sure our directors get the message.

We plan seatings an advance, so that the guy/gal next to you is from another city and or country and you can exchange on business topics. So you start talking about your boring project that’s going nowhere and is over budget and your client is completely nuts, and you’re startled when the other person says a similar story. My my, I though I was the only one poor schlep stuck in a hell hole. So you share some more, talk strategies, and by the end of the session you feel damn good even though you’re still stuck in the same hopeless position. If you’re lucky you can get laid but I’ve been told that’s rarely the case

In case we regroup around the same table a bunch of negative minds who could end up convincing themselves to leave the company after a few drinks, we hire “stunts” and we assign one to each table. They are professional actors who are paid to act like CGI employees and they tell rosy stories about their job, they will criticize lightly the company management – just enough to sound believable – but they will always conclude that CGI is the greatest company on this side of the galaxy. Therefore, people with negative attitudes will be compelled to take another look at themselves, and maybe the CGI 101 training will prevent them from giving their resignation.

Some people might say we’re using questionable tactics to manipulate our middle managers, but we’re investing 3 freaking days in those sessions. That’s a shitload of money if you take into account the actors, room rental, sandwiches, coffee, slide projector, paper pads and CGI pencils. So having stunts is just a way to boost the morale of our troops, and make sure they spread the gospel when they get back home.

Paul said we still have a long way to go in this therapy and made another appointment next Sunday. Damn.