You got Njoyned

It’s a shame employees nowadays are disgusted with the idea of serving 25 years at a single company, they think jumping ships is the quickest way to increase their salary and get promotion. And don’t get me started on those Gen Y youths, they deserve to get their butt kicked hard and… wait… Mike, control yourself, you need to refrain your negative energy. Ok, deep breath, exhale, feeling better now.

Today I’d like to talk to you about how to block unsatisfied employees of leaving your company. Let’s say that there's this kid, let’s name him John, and he’s 25 and doing a good job but he thinks he can get a 10% raise by moving to Desjardins, Bank of Montreal, Bell or anywhere which happens to be one of our outsourcing client.

John’s obviously stupid because he’s already working at CGI, a company whose excellence and values cannot be topped, so he’s already at the best place but John doesn’t see this. Blame his inexperience.

John sends his resume to this company X, but wait, who’s managing this company’s infrastructure? That’s right. John’s resume is tapped by our CGI supersensors located deep into the client’s network and the resume is routed to the Njoyn database where CGI has private access. Our clients are told to report any defecting CGI member. If they don’t, well it’s the game where you tell the client that they have a beautiful infrastructure with tons of server containing sensitive data, and of course it would be bad if something happened. Like, really bad.

So John goes from disgruntled to depressed because he never get any interview or job offer, thanks to our super Njoyn system. Wink, Wink. We introduce self-doubt in the employee so he’s ready for the next phase.

Every week our senior HR guys take a look at this database in their secret room (pictured above) and discuss what treatment should be given to those who dare considering leaving CGI. We don’t beat them WWE-style, of course. We typically reassign the employee to a project where he has to work all alone with very little human contact – from CGI or the client – for a very long period of time. This solitary confinement is an opportunity for the CGI employee to meditate and to begin an inward journey where he/she discovers how much our company has to offer – on our terms of course.

Simply said, the grass cannot be greener elsewhere, because CGI is the grass company.

If you’re not already a CGI client, you’d better firewall your own resources with military-grade control because they will evaporate like free beer on a hot summer day. Instead of trying to do it yourself, why don’t you give a call – I have Njoyn brochure ready for you.