Montreal's CGI completes Stanley takeover

We did it. I gotta say it took more time and efforts than initially planned, but now I’m proud to say that CGI has reach the 31,000 employees – I mean members – milestone.

Anyway, we’re dispatching a HR commando to Stanley’s former HQ to start the abduction process. A swat team of accountants is also on the way to seize all financial information that might have been left out during our due diligence process – I instructed our team NOT to have breakfast that morning, so everyone feels a bit edgy.

We learned a lot since we banged AMS back in 2003, our HR/accountant gladiators have been trained accordingly and it is my objective that the Stanley’s integration takes much less time. We need to process acquisitions faster, we can’t reach the profitable growth nirvana if we spend our days filling out paperwork.

I spent so much time with Stanley’s financials that I have become one with their numbers. We are so intimate now I can tell you how much each of their employees are making. Pop up a name, I’ll tell you their salary, how much was spent on training, how much each got last year. Serge thought I was joking and he put me to the test. John Kleine? $58 850 USD, $450 in training, got a 4% raise last year, billed $102 048.30 last financial year, $621.02 paid on expense reports. Denise Caufield? She’s fucking expensive, $95 120 but she’ll get no raise for the next 5 years – but don’t tell her that.

What doe John and Denis look like, asked Serge. I go, I don’t know but this is irrelevant. What matter is that – what’s their name again - will be part of our profitable growth plan, and their small contribution to our bottom line will fuel our next acquisition.

Speaking of which, I am meeting with bank officials this week to goose our credit line. I’m also thinking of issuing bonds yielding 0.05% that our members would be obligated to sell door to door like cult members. At night, not during normal business hour, I don’t want to impact our BU earnings. Look, I work for this great company and we need money to spread the profitable growth gospel, care to buy some great bonds to fuel our next merger?