I beg to differ

I am laughing all the way to the bank when I post my quarterly earnings, and even my banker grins from seeing my very rational exuberance. Don't worry dear members, your CEO is not about to derail and launch of series of unprofitable initiatives to satisfy some personal urge.

Groupon's founder Andrew Mason opens the filing with a letter addressed to "potential stockholders" sharing his business philosophy: "Life is too short to be a boring company."

Note to Mason: Take it from a seasoned CEO, stockholders are interested in return on investments, they don't give a fuck if you manufacture toilet seats for small dogs or develop hot games for the PlayStation. Your company may be boring, but if individual stockholders and institutional investors are happy then there is no boredom whatsoever.

Writing about the roller-coaster ride his company has been on since launching three years ago, Mason warns that Groupon's path will have "twists and turns, moments of brilliance and other moments of sheer stupidity." The company may make financial sacrifices in pursuit of "ambitious bets on our future that distract us from our current business."

I'm sure institutional investors will be thrilled to learn that the Groupon's CEO is looking forward to a bipolar-style of management and to moments of sheer stupidity and that he will actively work to distract itself from its core business. I can imagine the discussion:

Retirement fund manager: Johnson, have you heard about the latest's stunt at Groupon?

Johnson: no sir, what's happening, is Mr. Mason is on path to hand-kill animals just like Mr. Zuckerberg is doing?

Retirement fund manager: He just blew $500 million dollar to build a hanger-size freezer to rebuild the polar cap. Johnson, do you think we should invest our hard-won retiree pension money in Groupon? Should we speculate on this opportunity?

Johnson: I'd invest our stash of money in CGI, stellar earnings, low P/E, conservative management and the founder is still on board. CEO says he's looking to expand and deepen relationships with new and existing customers, whatever that means.

Retirement fund manager: Go ahead, buy a couple of millions shares.

Dear members, if you think for a second about sending your resume to Mr. Mason, think about the upcoming scar in your resume. Groupon is the next Webvan. Or the next Pets.com if you wish. Great expectations, but they are the latest fad and they will vanish a couple of years from now. Remember Pointcast and Marimba?