One more reason to long GIB.TO

I always advise CGI members to stay on proven ground and to stay away from exotic temptations, whether it is exciting new technologies, unbelievable job offer and even trendy and hip clothes.

Here's one more thing to add to your internal check list: personal investments.

Some people are just plain weird, they work their ass off to rake a few dollars and if they resist the socially-acceptable urge to blow their disposable income on electronic gadgets, they throw themselves into the arms of the closest Investors Group representative. The conversation usually goes like this:

Dumb customer: I want to make money, I don't know jack about investments nor do I have any interests in learning, therefore I want to trust you since you have a nice suit or your office is way better than mine.

Smart representative: I'm happy to welcome you as a new gullible client as it will increase my personal bonus even I make you loose money, in which case I'll blame the markets and/or Bernanke. How many of your friends and relatives are as clueless as you? Are they on Facebook as well?

Dumb customer: Well, I want to make money. I listened to one guy on the radio saying ETFs are a good strategy. What's an ETF? Hold your answer, I won't be able to understand the lingo anyway, here's a fat check.

Smart representative: What a happy coincidence, our company has just released a truckload of synthetic ETFs, from the same smart people who designed fabulous CDOs in 2007. May I interest you with our latest leveraged ETF? It is actively managed, meaning the guy in charge spends an awful lot of time playing golf to hear rumors. I could forward you the link but since you're low-watt bulb in IT I'm afraid the PDFs thick with obscure wording and acronyms might make you feel awfully inferior and humiliated. Let me take your check.

Dumb customer: Thanks, I already feel better.

Smart representative: So am I.

If you have at least half the mental capability of a lobotomized donkey, you should open a trading account and buy decent stocks for the long run, like GIB. It won't make you a millionaire, it will never pay a sinful dividend, but it will keep you safe from the non-sense out there.

CGI trades slightly below $20, down from its peak at $24.30, you should act now if I were you. P/E around 11, how many deals like this can you find today?

Plus, owning more GIB will make you a better member, so happiness is a by-product.

On "leadership adjustment"

Power Donna is retiring, but we'll keep her warm and toasty on our board of directors while you are on the bench awaiting for the sword to cut your sorry little neck. Congrats to whoever wrote this press release, "leadership adjustment" is a fantastic euphemism. I'll try to use it next time.

Roach out.

Socialist admits to "moral failing" and "dyed eyebrows"

Members know that I'm fairly suspicious of socialists and other deviants, particularly those in Quebec because they don't call themselves socialists nor to they refer publicly to the work of Karl Marx.

Yet, once again, a rich socialist makes a fool of himself by dropping his pants in front of an ugly right-wing maid hoping she would become righteous, only to discover she's totally nuts and she sues the hell out of him.

What is this thing with socialists, they are so full of themselves they can't understand the world doesn't walk their way. If they can't convince you about their dogma, they fuck your brain out, is that it? And because they paint themselves with socialism in front of a camera, it somehow makes them more human and full of remorse. Dude, I can tell you're full of it, but not remorse.

It stinks.

This is where your future lies

This video is part of our new internal training program to infuse company values deep in the core of our members, in other words, this is how we do a mindfuck internally. This one is why we outsource stuff to Bangalore and you loose your high-paying job in Montreal.

Every ingredient of a successful recipe is there:

The hot blonde at 0:20 with a tight-fitting red blouse, the kind that you never ever see in a project. After the rest of the crew join her in fast forward (to depict how efficient we are), notice how one of the guy at her right checks his watch just to appear important. So clichéed it hurts, but what can I say it works.

The meeting-that-appears-to-be-fun at 0:30 because one guy throws a paper plane for no obvious reason and the crowd cheers him as if they didn't know that aircrafts do exist in this century. And into the previous as well. What can I say, Bangalore members are easily amused.

The older dude at 0:48 that is being reminded that gravity is a terrible force but his co-workers are there to support him at any time. What the grey-hair Sanji doesn't know yet is that he has a one-on-one appointment with HR at 4:30 because he's been on the bench for a while, and well let's just say tomorrow morning he'll be able to play with gravity all my himself without a safety net.

As for the "neo office" terms, I've been told it might be interpreted as a reference to sci fi movie I don't know jack about, but it was a good reference because the steak tastes good at CGI. Whatever.

So before you whine to your director about your perks and your profit sharing, go check how happy your colleagues are in Bangalore. They literally became one with profitable growth. They even dance for free, more on that later.

Go get one.

I don't consider myself a material guy, I don't boost my ego by purchasing expensive cell phones nor do I brag about my fishing rods when I attend a board of directors, although the rod could be handy to remind some directors to pay more attention.

Yet, if there is one small thing I truly I enjoy it is my collection of HP 12c calculators. I still have the first one I bought in '82 (it's broken, sadly enough), I have a 2003 Platinum edition in my car at all time, I have a 20th anniversary edition on my night stand in case I woke up at night with nightmares of red ink, there is a 25th anniversary edition in my home office, there's even a standard 12c in the bathroom for those long minutes where there's nothing to do, and I had a few over the years at the office that show intense wearing after a couple of years, much like good shoes those little guys can handle abuse but after a while you need to consider a replacement.

Truth is, CGI would not be standing where it is today if I had not been using a 12c day and night. When I purchase a suit at Harry Rosen, the first thing I check is whether or not the 12c fits into the jacket's pocket - it always does, but I did encounter a sport jacket once in '98 that had a pocket so small the 12c was not at ease. Harry took notice and returned all those jackets to the manufacturer with a stern note that they had serious defects usually associated with subpar Chinese factories and not to bother him again with this kind of crap. What can I say, this guy is a class act.

So back to the 12c, I learned this morning that they plan to release a 30th anniversary edition. No, I didn't check HP's Web site, I got a VIP invitation from HP to attend the official launch in California. After what I said last month about Hewlett Packard, I think I ow them an apology. They really worked on this one. The VIP package contained a 12c-themed fleece jacket, a pack of golf ball with the 12c logo on it, a large coffee mug featuring all the keys found on the 12c, as well as a 12c leather document portfolio.

If you care about having a place in this world, this is the kind of item you need on your desk. It doesn't play MP3 files nor does it run game apps, so other CGI members will notice that you are taking your work very seriously.

Slackers do not go for the 12c.

Listening to music at work

There are a lot of things I don't understand in this world, one of which is the desire for IT workers to listen to music while doing their tasks.

How can you work efficiently and contribute to profitable growth while performing two parallel tasks that are in no relation to one another? How come listening to some drug-addict guitarist helps you develop better Web applications? To me, this is just baloney, IT workers are just looking for a way to fake work because you can't perform while listening to weird lyrics that don't make sense.

I talked about this with Natalie my assistant who seem more in-tune with that youths are doing than myself.

I said to her, how would you react if I was to bring my Slim Whitman LPs at work and I would listen to his yodelling while thinking about the best strategy to improve our upcoming quarterly earnings?

Nathalie had a blank look on her face, Slim who?

Never mind, I said.

Truth is, music is a distraction that keeps on demanding, listening to music at work is a sure sign you're not focused and you don't give a shiitake about what the client expects from you.

I asked Natalie for the name of an artist who is "hip" nowadays with youths, she advised me to look for a certain Justin Bieber. Who the fuck is Justin Bieber, I replied.

Natalie answered, that's what Ozzie asked, that's funny.

I go, Ozzie who?

Anyway, I googled some lyrics about this supposedly cool artist, just in case there might be a nugget of wisdom in the crap he sings. Here's what I found:

You see I never thought that I could walk through fire

I never thought that I could take a burn

I never had the strength to take it higher

Until I reach the point of no return

How unimpressive. This youth claims he's basically fireproof, why might be a strong asset if you send your resume to the city fire department.. But then, they may take you up to the challenge and let you nap in the furnace. If you look closely, you'll notice that this was written in the past tense, suggesting that the prepubescent douche bag was inflicted with severe burns afterward. Sadly enough, he was not wounded enough and he was able to record a song.

Painful, this is just painful.

What are you listening to at work? And mostly,. why do you listen to music?