Dressing for summertime

It's the same fucking problem year after year after year. As the warmer days of springs knock on our doors, there is this uncontrollable tendency especially in young men and woman to dress with questionable pieces of clothing in the office.

And each year, as we move closer to the summer equinox, HR feels obligated to remind the youngsters that summer dresses, camis, and Hawaiian shorts are not precisely compatible with our line of business and could potentially impact our financial quarter. If we don't do anything, the whole office will look like the set of a Daytona spring break.

Can you imagine the conservative CIO of one of our client, let's say in the financial services industry with billions in assets, watching with horror as unshaved consultants dressed in a Tommy Bahamas fashion troll in the hallway with their flip-flops making squeaky sounds?

Holy Mackerel, I thought for a second that I was back in the Hamptons in July. Who are those guys anyway? Consultants? They wear yellow bermudas for Pete sake. I can't believe it, what is the name of the consulting firm? See jee what? Well I'll be damned if I don't sack them right now, Charlene hold my calls for an hour, I need to blow some steam.

Next thing you know, we miss earning estimates by 10 cents because of a single individual's inappropriate choice of wardrobe.

I once thought of imposing a corporate uniform but HR told me this might lead to unions, so I dropped the ball. But I kept some sketches on file just in case.

Nevertheless, I strongly advise you to dress for business, and business does not mean renting umbrellas on the beach.

Wearing a 3-piece suit is never overdressed no matter what line of work you do, even during blistering hot summer days in downtown Montreal where women stilettos leave deep dents in the asphalt on St-Denis.

The conservative CIO will be highly impressed to see you reviewing the firewall rules if you're dressed sharply without being provocative.

This young man here reminds me of myself when I was in my 20's, boy does this bring back fond memories when I was working for RBC. A tie every day, starched collar. Charlene, what is the daily rate of this gentleman here? How much? Sweet Mary, this is so cheap it is insulting. Call the consulting firm and say we'll pay 40% more for keeping this sharply-dressed lad. And we're extending him, we can't afford to lose previous resources like him. I should present him to my daughter too.

So ditch your North Face wardrobe today and get yourself some decent summer clothes that will speak for you and the firm. Call Harry, tell him I send you. And please don't act like some of your friends who buy shirts 4 size too small, you need to breathe.

Roach out.

Members Column Day: IT and Stock Photos

Dear FakeMike, why is that every IT consulting Web site shows up 3 or 4 sharply dressed professionals looking at a single laptop in a large room full of windows? This is so fake, the reality is that IT consultants work in dimly lit offices. If I raise my head above my current cubicle, I don’t even see a window. I’m not talking about IT women wearing short skirts, this fantasy can only be found in stock photo databases... Roberto from Saguenay

Dear geek boy, I’m sorry to hear you’re surrounded by poorly dressed colleagues in an equally poorly designed office space, but I have to admit every IT company uses this cheap marketing trick to lure young people into our industry.

I mean, if we showed real consultants in a typical office space, we would only be able to attract blind and/or mentally unstable staff and/or people who alter their view of reality by injecting themselves with home-made stuff, therefore limiting our ability to pursue profitable growth.

This is why for one thing we pick stock photos where people stand or sit in an executive lounge on the top floor of a prestige building. Noboby works there in reality, it’s the CEO pleasure room and sometimes new and existing clients are invited there so we can fucking impress them. We also invite a few hack actor/actresses so we can take a picture for a future web site, but it usually lasts less than an hour.

As for IT women and their dress code, you should consider the perverse effect of short tube-shaped garment on your focus at work. Do you really think you can achieve your full potential when your co-worker wardrobe can cause significant distractions and physiological impacts?

When you’re thinking about typical textiles covering the female thighs, you’re not thinking about profitable growth and the current quarter, and you’re definitely not thinking about what you have to do before 5pm.

So you should consider yourself a very lucky man to be surrounded by unattractive colleagues. And since you don’t see what happens outside the building, you can easily lose track of time and indulge yourself in long days. Is it already 11pm? Well I was able to lower my to-do list, it was a great day! I’m sure people at the firm will notice my productivity level!

Do no thank me.