Sometimes a burger is just a burger

Dear FakeMike, your latest post outlines a profound problem in the IT industry, people are fed up with utterly complex technologies and the delusional managers who love them. It seems no IT project can evolve without turning into a huge clusterfuck with childish ego wars and dumb snake oil salesmen grabbing the client's attention. It's no wonder smart people quit their job and look for a more sensible professional life. A burger joint might not be terribly exciting, but at least the burgers don't call for a change management meeting with change request forms the minute you alter the menu. John from Calgary.

John here seems to have a point, but his limited perspective prevents him from seeing the big picture. I'd say John will never land an executive VP position, but that would be mean. Well, not really.

True, burgers won't complain when you change the menu nor they need firmware updates nor are they the subject of an “architecture” where the relationship between the burger, the fries and the large Coke is discussed at great length in relation to business requirements and best practices. Still, that's no reason to quit IT and especially your position at CGI. Unless you plan to trump Joey Chesnut, I’d stay out of the food business.

This is a typical problem with mere mortals such as John, they don't see the big picture, they cannot grasp the full extent of profitable growth so they limit their view of the world to what their senses tell them.

John sees a clusterfuck, I see a lucrative opportunity to expand and deepen a relationship with a deep-pocket customer over a 10 years period minimum.

John sees insanely complex technology, I see a fantastic opportunity to bill a large number of hours to install and configure whatever he's talking about. Since the complexity escapes everyone including the manufacturer engineers, there's no shame in charging an obscene rate.

John sees a delusional manager, I see a great potential for the firm to drop a couple of expensive "strategy advisors" in the manager's office and gear the mentally-challenged director in a direction that ultimately will lead to large contracts for us.

You see, profitable growth is in the eye of the beholder. So John, if you're unable to grasp the true reality with your limited intellect, yes maybe it's time you go flip burgers as beef patties are - exactly - a beef patties. But ask yourself this: did Ray Kroc saw just a burger or a way to revolutionize the American food industry? It's the same here, I see tremendous opportunities when all you see is tedious work and painful client relations. This is the difference between top-shelf CEOs like me (for instance) and whining guys like you.


Let me know when you're there, I can't wait to see your new outfit.

Defusing hopes of a second career

I can’t help but smirk when I hear glorious stories about IT professionals who quit the industry to “reinvent themselves” and become oddballs. You know what I’m talking about, deviants who become restaurant owners, landscaping designers and other bogus choices that make me raise an eyebrow. How many times did I secretly listen to a conversation where a DBA rants about his job and say something like “I’ll sell my clunker and start a burger joint, I mean could it be worse than this fucking project?”

People somewhat believe that it exists a more golden opportunity than IT, a secret place where happiness exists and where people can become better persons by doing what they really love.

Get out of town.

Working for a company, well not any company of course, but working for CGI is the pinnacle of any serious career. Here you will share our dream, help us on our mission to profitable growth and you’ll get plenty of training so that we can drop you on a lucrative gig for a fat client. Even your folks will be proud of you, because our company name is the newspaper. You can’t seriously hope for a better life than that, and if you do you’ll get njoyned.

It’s like people who quit their IT career to become “life coaches”, this is so freaking ridiculous that it has become a running gag in HR circles. When you check into LinkedIn and scan for those pets, you realize that their career has been so dysfunctional that these people must have a truckload of unresolved “personal issues”. Women especially. Probably divorced, unable to put a cap on their emotions, their new car is scratched bumper to bumper, they lose their ATM card 8 times a year, yet they advise you on how to run a perfect life.

Do you really think running a greasy spoon or giving advices on “life” to other wackos will be a satisfying career on the long run? Sure, flipping burgers sounds more fun than configuring a Windows server or checking firewall rules in a beige cubicle, but after a few hundred thousand patties reality will knock on your door. Happiness is not about being on your own or calling the shots, it is not about human contact, and it is definitely not about money. Whatever you’re doing today won’t make a dent in human civilization, hell nobody will remember you 150 years from now not even the taxman.

So why not be part of a larger group that will give your life structure and meaning? Your identity will be defined by our policies and processes, so you have nothing to worry about. It takes maturity and wisdom to become a company man. Join us today, and send me your resume.