Bumped with Raymond Bachand this week-end on my way to the gym, we train at the same facility in Outremont. I’m never at ease when talking with politicians, those guys are a strange mix of pickpockets and televangelists. They talk to you like you’ve been best friends for 25 years, even though you only met them once or twice. And they always have an agenda, even in the locker room.
I’m of course an easy magnet for whores who want to be best buddy with anyone who make more than they do. Don’t get me wrong, Raymond is probably a fantastic guy on a personal level. But as soon as he gets into his politician mindset he starts acting as a fucking clown. They all do.
So Raymond greets me at the gym and congratulates me on our fantastic Q1 results. I go, same to you Ray, I wish you remain Quebec minister of finance for another year. But you know what Ray, I don’t know how to bring this to you, but you’ve been acting funny lately, is everything okay? Are you still taking your medication?
Ray looks puzzled, asks me what he did wrong. I go, Raymond, I was watching the news a few weeks ago and you came out with a statement that went along the line of: What's really important is not to balance a budget. What's really important is for people to be happy.
Ray looks relieved, he goes yes that statement. You know what, Mike? This is absolutely true, I firmed believe that happiness should be the number one priority of our government.
I go, Ray, listen to you for one second, are you out of your freaking mind? May I remind you that your title says you're in charge of FINANCE, you're not a motivation speaker, and you’re not a Prozac spokesman either. Your job description is to balance budgets and God hear me, to make a profit.
Raymond goes, deficits are okay Mike, the taxpayer has deep pockets and we can go on like this for another 50 years before civilization collapses, and by then you and I will be dead, so it doesn’t really matter. Our children will take care of the mess. I mean, what’s the option, cut expenses by 25% and take the risk of not being reelected in 3 years? Anyway, you know what Mike, there's one thing I'd like to do after taxpayers kick me out of office. He looks at me very seriously and says, Mike I'd like to sit on the CGI board of directors.
I go, Ray our board is more than full right now, but you know what, send me your resume and I'll keep it on file. Like, the circular file. If there's an opening in the future I'll let you know.
Then Ray went out to train on the treadmill with his don’t-care-if-the-world-goes-down smile.
Let's imagine for one moment that Raymond works at CGI and let's push the envelope even further and let's picture Ray is the CFO. Let's say CGI has a bad quarter and Ray meets the financial reporters who are eager to understand why we left the profitable growth path. This dickhead would put on a big smile and would probably say, well revenues are down, the company is bleeding red ink but you know what folks, our surveys say our members are happy. Yes, they are. And that's what important, ladies and gentlemen, deficits are totally okay as long as you're happy as a clam.
Then CGI would be traded as a penny stock, everyone would lose, but Ray would be all smile.
I will call Curly this week, someone has to stop the train wreck before it's too late.
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