This is so not going to happen

There’s an old saying (circa 100 AD) that people just want “bread and circuses”, which is a metaphor for a superficial means of appeasement. In the case of politics, the phrase is used to describe the creation of public approval, not through exemplary or excellent public service or public policy, but through the mere satisfaction of the immediate, shallow requirements of a populace.

It’s been my experience that such craving for amusement has been transposed in large corporations where employees seek parties, freebies and free lunches instead of working.

In order to provide some kind of satisfaction to hard-working members, we created this “Star Performer Award” thing to reward less-lazy members who performed adequately. I mean, it’s really symbolic and it’s similar to your 1st grade teacher putting a red star sticker in your workbook because you managed to answer all the questions. I thought this kind of ceremony would be sufficient and employees would itch to get back to work to meet their BU sales target. How wrong I was.

With our upcoming Annual Tour 2010, I received a large number of circus-related requests from apparently mentally stable members. You could not believe all the ridiculous e-mails I got.

We should do a Rock Band contest during the annual tour

There is this weird tendency among young people to transpose whatever they are doing in their living room to the office environment. First, it was children picture on their desk, next it was casual dress, and now it’s full-blown entertainment at work in 1080i. I don’t see the point of this activity, I mean it’s not like I will go on stage and perform a song in front of other employees. For one thing, Rock Band does not have any song from Roy Rogers. I checked. Secondly, a singing CEO is likely to send a negative message to tight-ass institutional shareholders who view this kind of behaviour as a strong SELL signal. I don’t see myself performing humiliation rituals unless you serve me EDS for 5 cents a share, in which case shareholders can sit on it and spin.

My name is Rakesh from India and we plan to do a more ambitious dance than last year

Please, please, don’t remind me of this painful experience, my senses still hurt and I can’t eat Indian food without thinking about this freak show. Here’s the deal, I will send you Power Donna this year, I’ll stay home playing Scrabble with myself and I’ll let you rock with a senior VP. She likes this stuff. For a free demo, check her here at 1:01. I think she could fly if you asked her to.

Roach out.