Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Members Column Day : Interfacing with mere mortals

Dear FakeMike, I attended the CGI Annual Propaganda Tour a few times and it seems to me that upper management is more concerned with distributing a pre-packaged hollow speech than actually listening to what real “members” have to say. Membership has no privileges, really. When will management start to address real issues in this company? Stew from DC

Dear Dimwit, what you are witnessing is the wide intellectual chasm between upper management and sub-basement level employees. If you encounter a squirrel and try to explain quantum mechanics or 18th century poetry to the poor rodent, it would gaze at you in silence listening to your mumbo jumbo and hoping that this bulge in your pants is a bag of peanuts.

The annual tour brings a similar situation, we try to explain our strategic vision in very simple terms but we are acutely aware that the average intelligence level in the room is not able to grasp even the most basic principles behind our vast and elaborate thinking. Members hope there will be shrimps and free drinks at the end, so they listen to our speech patiently but their mind is in the buffet.

I mean, even if I explained you what The Plan is, you would not understand it. My mind has evolved into an advanced form where complex thoughts can be processed rapidly, and the downside of this amazing super power is that it is increasingly difficult for me to communicate with standard employees, even those empty shells acting as middle management. If I tried to tell you about The Plan, your mind would collapse from neurons over firing. You do not have enough processing power to grasp the intensity and depth of The Plan. Your IQ allows you to listen to shows like “Deal or No Deal”, but that’s how far your financial brain can go - and even then you don’t understand the probabilistic nature of the game.

As for your last sentence where you claim that management should address issues, maybe you should accept that there are no issues per se, just wrong perspectives. What you perceive as a problem is in fact a reality that you have a hard time processing. Upper management knows your brain has limited power, this is why we do not hold it against you. The annual tour is an attempt is package a very complex reality in small easy-to-process bites.

So I strongly encourage you to participate again in our annual tour, you will be reminded how great this company is, how lucky you are to live and breathe under our umbrella, that the future is paved with profitable bricks. And there might be shrimps.

Roach out.

No comments:

Post a Comment