About The Dow Jones Sustainability Index

There's nothing I like better than issuing a press release about sustainability and social responsibility, because it's a boatload of crap aimed at pleasing tree huggers and socialists. CGI is committed to giving back to the communities in which we live and work. Rest assured dear shareholder, we're not throwing bags of money in neighbourhoods where our employees live. We keep it to ourselves.

The Dow Jones Sustainability Index tracks best practices in sustainability leadership including corporate, economic, environmental and social performance.

Social performance, huh? Can you tell me what the heck that is? You can't? Being the CEO of a responsible company, I have a Society Performance Meter device in my office. It's kind of bulky, but when you turn it on and point it through the window at aim at the street, the device tells you if society performs from a range of 0 to 10. Frankly, I never got a reading above 1 and that might be a calibration error. People are so dumb, it's a miracle that a society can exist by itself. But then, if people weren't in a complete state of bozosity our sales numbers would not rank very high. Stupid people need constant advice, this is why your shriek makes 3 times your salary and drives a brand new BMW.

This morning I read that Wiki says that sustainability is able to be maintained at a certain rate or level. Are they talking about our stock price?