CGI to hire Robert Pattison (Part 1)

Serge came to me with this idea, he sometimes has this uncontrollable urge to do something for CGI. So he came into my office this morning, suggesting that CGI hires some kind of rock star to prove to youngsters that IT is the way to go for a career. As you all know, pushing teenagers to do a degree in computer science is harder nowadays than asking a government not to create deficits.

So Serge said, we should hire Robert Pattison, he may not know a lot about computers but we could find him a good spot at CGI. I go, who the fuck is Robert Pattison, he is a quarterback or something? Serge rolls his eyes, Mike you don’t know jack about popular culture, he’s a movie star man, he’s the hottest ticket you can have for a teenage flick. You should watch Entertainment Tonight more often, he’s the lead actor in the Twilight movies. So I go, a new Twilight Zone series?

Serge sighs, as to demonstrate my cluelessness about the entertainment news that he knows so much about. Mike, he said, I’m a Imdb Pro user and I met his agent at a cocktail party and he told me that Robert wanted to take a break from acting. You know, just to take some fresh air. Since he’s extremely popular with teenagers and young adults, CGI could hit a home run by hiring this guy. IT will suddenly be cool again and we will party like it is 1999 all over again.

I had to admit Serge had a point. Having a movie star aboard could appeal to young people looking for career options. If they go get a degree in computer science, CGI could hire them cheap afterward and tag them on a high-profit gig. I go, Serge tell me, what this Robert guy looks like. Serge opens his briefcase and shows me the picture above.

I go, what the fuck, is this the dickhead you want me to hire? Jesus-Christ, look at this guy for 2 seconds will you, he looks totally baked, sure he’d be the perfect candidate if they do a remake of Still Smokin but this bum doesn't fit into a serious IT project.

Serge goes, his agent says he looks pretty decent if we can keep fun stuff away from him. Moreover, we would hire him for what – couple of months – just enough time for him to chill and for us to leverage his presence at CGI. It’s a win-win situation.

Serge enjoys busting my balls when he knows he has a point. So I go, well give me the phone number of this agent, I’ll call him later today and we’ll see what we can do. Criminey, look again at this guy, he probably burns one after shooting a take.

What a day it’ll be. I’ll let you know how it goes.