Harold Camping fucked the faithful

Back in August, I warned you that the end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it was a hoax. Despite my warnings, some members just went nuts and announced their resignation on May 20th. Since the so-called rapture would have occurred over the week-end and the nice persons would take a short non-stop flight to the Pearly Gate and the subpar souls would suffer hell until the termination of Earth on Oct. 21st.

Interestingly enough, those same members came back on Monday morning and tried to act like their religious delusion never happened. It was just funny, it was an invitation to tease them.

Note to self: those members will gladly accept a 0% raise on their yearly meeting. Ask HR to come up with a catchy paragraph that says something like You're a total douchebag and as a result we'll assign you to difficult projects where you'll get waked.

And in case you've not noticed, Harold screwed the whole camping and then some, rumor goes that this snakeoil salesman from God has a personal fortune of $18M.

Camping The First should have learned from the industry best practices that profitable growth works best when the business model is a sustainable one. True, the sucker is 89 years old and he could blow a valve anytime. But still, this con artist should have learned from best-of-class dickheads such as Ron Hubbard whose organization still screws the faithfuls after his death.

That my friend is what separate the street thiefs from grand criminals. Harry the Happy Camper is just a wimp, a man of limited intellect who ensured that his credibility was bar none by predicting the end of the world too soon.

If CampyHarry had 2 once of brain, he'd announced the destruction of the world at least 100 years from now, therefore ensuring a steady stream of clueless donations from believers. Thanks to compounding interests and shrewd investments such as this great Canadian IT company on the TSX (wink, wink), he could have built a lasting empire.

Better yet, he could have built a legitimate front to his organization, I don't know like IT consulting (totally random choice) where the faithful do something even more profitable. You know the world's about to end, instead of going berserk and blowing your savings account on a stupid billboard next to the highway, do your family a service and bring a paycheck home in the meantime. If the rapture takes place sooner, we'll send you an SMS.

Watch Harry as he prepares an escape before Oct 21.

Facebook CEO on a killing spree

Sorry guys, I know I'm failing to meet basic expectations here, but a CEO job leaves little room for spare time - unlike a director job where you have all those free minutes to yourself between midnight and 4 am.

But you could thank me once in a while ya know, CGI trades north of $21 and we're posting stellar quarters. Profitable growth… does that ring a bell? There you are.

Anyway, I read with amusement about Zucky the 27-years old CEO who apparently set a personal challenge to slit the throat of live pigs and goats while insulting them in Mandarin. I'm sure Mr. Piggy was deeply honoured to be butchered by the Facebook CEO and that he posted a comment like "Friends, I'm going offline for now, today's a good day to die" and all his porcine friends "liked it". Oh, well.

Friends, this is what happen when you're going off the rail at such a young age. I'm talking about Zuckerberg here, not Mr. Piggy. I already told you that money was bad, well your in your hands anyway, because most people are not mature enough to handle wealth. Zucky's a billionaire under 30, and he's so bored of running Facebook that he gets a kick by slaughtering protein-rich animals. I don't want to know what happens in his bedroom, folks.

Me, I like to pay a visit to my friend the butcher in Westmount and he runs some his jokes by me because he knows I'm a tough nut to crack. I don't get blood on my white shirt in order to feed myself, that's the whole point of having a butcher. Can you imagine the smell of a dead pig in the trunk of my Mercedes, it would be enough to void the warranty.

I think Zucky suffers from a deep paranoia of joining the 27 Club, and as a result he throws himself in all sort of questionable challenge to prove himself he's a manly man. What will be his challenge in 2012 ?

If Zucky had been fortunate enough to work as an IT consultant for CGI, he wouldn't do such questionable challenges because he'd know there are better things to do. Like learning .NET, or supporting Notes servers, you know like REAL challenges. Running a knife on a goat's throat takes less than 30 seconds, that's a cheap thrill. Even Ozzie would not be impressed.

But implementing SAP in a dysfunctional organization, that my friend is the kind of challenge for the braves. I'm thinking about creating a special team at CGI much like the SEALs, where hardened specialists are trained for unconventional IT setups, infrastructure reconnaissance, terror-oriented management and project rescue. They won't come cheap. More on that later.

So Zucky go have fun with chickens while we adults do real work.