Member's Column Day: Ranting about severance

It has become common for employees nowadays to rant about something at work in order to be accepted by their colleagues.   CGI is no exception unfortunately, and some members enjoy criticizing every decision taken by senior management because it has become fashionable to do so.  It is cool, like the young people say.  Here's what ranter #1 has to say:

I was outsourced to CGI and since being employed by them I and my fellow co-workers have been treated like garbage. CGI is counting on people to not be able to survive on EI, this way the employee is forced to take employment elsewhere and thus CGI gets away with not paying a severance. This is an unethical practice and it should be illegal. At the very least they should have provided the option of severance or temporary layoff. 

CGI Management should be ashamed. I don’t know how they can sleep at night.

I sleep very soundly, thank you for your concern.  I read a few spreadsheets along with hot cocoa in bed, I don't watch TV (except when CGI makes headlines) and my Richie Rich PJs remind me that profitable growth is more than my journey, it is the reality of all CGI members because we all share the same dream.  We are collectively the physical embodiment of profitable growth, we are one with our earnings.

Back to Mr. Whiner here, he should understand that "severance" is a dirty word.  Severance means money traveling in a single direction (from our account to yours) without billable work being done in return.

It is, by every definition, a black hole.

As Hawkins would point out, black holes need to be few unless you want the universe to last a mere 2.3 seconds before all matter is sucked into oblivion.   Same applies with the financial world, CEOs deserve a severance package because there are few (as compared to lower-class workers) and I mean you can't just apply for a CEO job the way you apply to be a Web developer.

I strongly encourage members to take their pocket calculator and crunch some numbers.  31,000 employees, 2 weeks severance package, consider your salary as a baseline and add 20%.  Daunting number, isn't it?  What would happen to our stock price if I were to announce such a lethal charge during our next earning calls?  Apocalyptic would be an understatement.   Since you are a shareholder - if you're not I suggest you reconsider that high opinion of yourself you've been telling yourself  - since YOU ARE A SHAREHOLDER then you know that US paying severance would mean a considerably lower share price, therefore you would lose much, much more in the end.

If you are smarter than a toothbrush, then you know my logic is sound and it makes a lot of sense to handle members termination this way.  Plus, you've guessed by now that those who are layed off are not exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer, meaning YOU are still employed because YOU deserve it.  And that conclusion speaks for itself.

Now get back to work, and stop whining.

New HR selection criteria

Just so you know, new selection criteria have been sent to our HR lieutenants for all job interviews.  This new policy reflects our on-going concern to hire top shelf candidates who will blend with our corporate culture.  This is a sample of the questions we now toss during interviews:

1. Do you share the belief that money is evil?  If so, show me what's inside your wallet.

2. Are you a registered member of  any political party whose purpose is to destroy the supply-and-demand economy in favour of a state-controlled system run by unionized bureaucrats?

3. Is that a red square pinned on your jacket?  Tell us more about this.

4. Is we report stellar earnings at the end of this quarter, how would you feel about this?

5. Are your parents or any close relative member of a registered union such the CSN or the FTQ?

6. What kind of books do you enjoy to read?  Karl who?

7. Have you ever traveled to China, the former USSR or Cuba?  Who did you meet with over there?

8. How comfortable are you with wealth?  Do you share the viewpoint that behind every fortune lies a hidden crime?

9. Tell us more about your friends, what do you talk about when you gather over a drink?

10. Are you on Facebook?  Yes?  This is great, it shows you are forward thinking person.  Now, tell us your ID.

I told you so

What did I tell you last week about her?  Mark my words.  She has a plush position waiting for her.  She was a good soldier, she was in the hot spot and took bullets for the Liberal party.  Curly made a few calls this week-end.  Her future is secured.

That sinking feeling

Curly knows the end is coming sooner than expected.  Despite his limited intellect, he is able to foresee that his administration is sinking faster than the Bismarck.   He's being butt-fucked by all the students on strike, cops are being severely beaten by students, violence is rampant all over Montreal, and stories of mobs getting juicy public contracts make headlines every day .  

But Curly remains cool as a cucumber.  This guy could swim in a deep pool of manure and yet retain a fresh smell afterward and make jokes about it.

Even Happy Raymond, seen here on the left, plays Angry Birds because he knows the end of time is coming.   Or maybe he's texting some buddies because he does not understand how to read a balance sheet.  Probably the former, he does not give a shiitake about finance anyway.  

Education minister Lyne Beauchamp, on the right, is wondering what fat job she could land after her political career will be over.  Maybe some comfy chair in Paris like many of her predecessors, dealing with "cultural exchange" between Quebec and France, where you can get paid top dollar to host lavish parties, talk rubbish and not be accountable for anything.  Who knew a degree in psychology could get her so far?  

When you look at them in the eyes, you come to the same conclusion: these guys could not care less.  They fucked the system and milked it for all it's worth, the next administration will do the same until the Final Collapse.  That Greek moment when money talks and everything else is muted by the sheer force of reality.  

Do you understand when I say that these clowns could not last a minute inside a public company where every dollar we earn, every penny we pay you is analyzed by Wall Street and impacts our stock price before the market close?  These politicians could not even clean the lavatory, because it requires a clear and unequivocal understanding of "clean" and "dirty".

I asked my top lieutenants to review Project Exodus.  Business continuity at CGI cannot be impacted by political turmoil.  

The end is near.  But keep working.

Civilized people don’t buy gold, says Charlie

Could not be more true.  You won't learn anything when I say that smart people buy GIB.TO, the best Canadian stock out there way above the rest.  Average investors buy mutual funds from Investors and other industry hacks but they have no clue what a mutual fund is.  Dumb people, well, do not invest at all, do not buy gold and even if they wanted to purchase gold would not know where to purchase it, they simply prefer to buy disposable electronics at Best Buy.

Great Scott, where does Charlie buy his glasses, is that a custom order from Bausch & Lomb?  When I'll reach that noble age, I truly hope I won't have to wear spheres of glass to check on my spreadsheets.  Diapers, I don't care, you could work extra hours that way.  Special hearing devices, not an issue, people talk too much anyway so a little silence brings everything into focus.  But a CEO's vision has to sharp as an eagle, because numbers are the true meaning of life.

In my youth, when my teenage friends used their disposable income to purchase motorcycles, vinyl records and other depreciating assets, I wondered how I could leverage my tiny bank accounts.  Gold was a tempting option for me at that time, but I blame Scrooge McDuck for polluting my young mind with images of bottomless pool of gold coins and unsorted currencies.  Then I read how Ross Perot created EDS to sell mainframe time to companies that were not able to purchase big irons from Univac and IBM.

That being said, I strongly encourage you to check the performance of BRK for the past 2 years and do a little comparison with GIB.  You draw your own conclusions.

Full disclosure: Long GIB

Disclaimer: Material presented here is for informational purposes only. The above quantitative stock analysis, including the Star rating, is mechanically calculated by yours truly and is based on historical information. The analysis assumes GIB will perform in the future as it has in the past. This is always true, because profitable growth ensures our destiny. Before buying or selling any stock you nevertheless should do your own research and reach your own conclusion. If you reach a different conclusion, then you should re-check your numbers.