Halloween and CGI

There are a few things that bug me socially speaking, and my therapist said that I should address those issues before I turn 60. One of which is the whole Halloween thing, probably because I don’t have a sweet tooth but mostly because some of my employees enjoy dressing funny that day. I grind my teeth at the thought of lost productivity because employees who wear costumes are simply not focused on their work. I mean, how can you make strategic decisions when you’re dressed like a fucking clown? And even if you’re not in the Halloween mood, how can a man work when the girl next to him is dressed like the picture here?

Halloween gives me heartburns. When I see from my desk several costumed employees who chat around the water cooler, I check out how long they talk about their stupid attire and what kind of high-fructose syrup based candies they bought for their offspring. I then enter all those lost minutes in my spreadsheet and by then end of the day the numbers are just staggering. And yes, the CGI stock usually drops a few cents every Halloween day just to humiliate me even further.

Even worse, some of the girls at GMA put out decorations in their cubicles, Boris Karloff-esque figures, cardboard skulls and whatever orange/black crap they found at Wal-Mart. This drives me crazy as I can’t see the point of this entire charade.

So my therapist suggested I do a few things to help me manage this frustration, one of which is to host a small and inexpensive Halloween party at CGI. Employees are of course banned from wearing their silly outfit during daytime, but from 5pm to 7pm we do this cocktail where everyone can do the Halloween thing, eat cheap candies and pretend zombies roam the Earth. As a token of good faith, I will wear a costume myself just to demonstrate how human I am despite what people may think.

So I bought this great Darth Vader costume – it was on sale and I didn’t bill CGI for it. I think I’ll have loads of fun at the party, dropping innocent lines like I found your lack of faith disturbing to unsuspecting employees. I plan to do a small speech at the party to explain why the Death Star should have been managed by CGI, as Vader would have been smarter to outsource its IT systems to us and focus on managing the physical vulnerabilities of its physical environment. He appeared to have a massive budget yet I’m wondering what his business model is. If the Death Star doesn’t generate revenues, how does he manage to pay for operational costs? But I digress.

So I hope you’ll have fun this week-end, make sure that you don’t leave early on Friday and don’t forget to do your PSA time sheet.